I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
