I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
