is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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