Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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