It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize