life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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