he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
