Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
