The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
