also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
