No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
