It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.