did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
