Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
