I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???