I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
