A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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