Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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