She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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