how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
