I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
