Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
