I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
