I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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