Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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