i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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