I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
