i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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