just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
