i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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