Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
