Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
