If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
