I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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