i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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