I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
