I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
