some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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