i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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