i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
