Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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