i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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