the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
