she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
