Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
