How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
