do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
