Yo dont text me then not text me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
