Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
