id be glad to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
