I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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