Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
