Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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