Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
