called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
