And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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