DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
