The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
