I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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