Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
