Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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