Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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