I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
