You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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