A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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