I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
