Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
