my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
