i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
