I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
