i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
