somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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