my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just high enough for therapy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
